Adventures of the State Speech Competition

I have to beam and boast a little because I’m his mommy.  I watched, listened, and helped him practice his passage for months, saw him win first prize in the regional fine arts competition, and just witnessed his efforts this morning in the state event.  Third place for our dear boy!  I could tell he was disappointed that he hadn’t gotten first place, but he did a wonderful job nonetheless.  We are so proud of him for using his gifts this way.

Our trip across the state for this competition was event-filled in itself.  We drove right through the Florida Everglades, which means almost two hours of marshy scenery.  I hoped we might catch a glimpse of a gator, large bird, or even a snake as we drove, but then I remembered we see those pretty regularly by the lake behind our house!  I confess I wasn’t as taken in by the beauty of the drive since I was at the steering wheel and was more focused on staying close to our schedule.

Soon after we passed through the Everglades, we made our way to the house of a childhood friend of mine.  We reconnected via Facebook a few years ago after having not seen each other since the middle of high school.  We are both wives and moms now, and it was really neat seeing our kids meet each other and play, and getting to catch up in person.  At the end of our visit, we discovered that my son and her daughters were a little apprehensive about playing together before they met, but one wouldn’t have guessed it during our visit.  All of them were such fans of “Star Wars” that a few light sabers broke the ice!

My parents joined us on this trip, especially since V couldn’t go–it was his last week of work at the practice before he starts in our new location next month!  Timing stinks sometimes.  Having my parents along is always a tremendous blessing to the kids and me, in so many ways.

By the time we got to the hotel, we had to hurry up to get the kids ready for bed.  I wanted to give L every possible advantage to do his best in the morning.  We tucked him in out on the fold-out sofa in the hotel room, while I got A snuggled into the bed I would share with her.  Everyone was cozy and sound asleep pretty quickly.  I had a bad headache and planned to go to bed right after ironing all our dressy clothes for the next day.  Just as I was finishing the last garment, the fire alarm started going off.  My initial fear was that I had triggered the alarm with my ironing, but I soon realized that made no sense since there was a tiny bit of steam and no sign of smoke or flame.

I moved quickly and picked up little A, who was in a tight little ball of delicious slumber.  I wrapped her in a blanket and woke up L, telling him to get his shoes on.  He obeyed, though he was very disoriented.  We scurried down the hall to my parents’ room.  As soon as we entered their room, my mom was ending her call to the front desk of the hotel:  false alarm.  I’m glad it was a false alarm and not a true emergency, but I was certainly not happy about this disruption in our night.  The second glitch:  in my haste to evacuate the room, I had left my room key on the desk in the room.  My dad, the only one not yet in pajamas, went to the front desk to acquire another key for me.  Thanks, Dad.

Back to bed the children went, and I decided 10:00 was plenty late enough for me, so I closed my eyes next to little A, who thankfully was settling back down quickly.  I had just gotten into a good sleep when I woke up to see L staring at me, next to the bed.  ”I’m just so worried about that alarm going off again,” he said.  Too tired to say or do anything else, I told him to climb aboard the family bed, next to his sister.  We all had a moderately good night of sleep, but I woke up a lot, still with the headache and always with one child or the other looking back at me!

L’s recitation of his passage ended up being the easiest part of the whole trip.  He had been preparing for months.  I guess that’s how life is–some things, we get to prepare for ahead of time, and other things, we just have to take as they come.  How we handle the seemingly small, everyday things, often has a large bearing on how we handle the unexpected things, though.

Not all unexpected things are bad, either.  Once we were home and had gotten word from a friend still at the event site that L had won third place, I was able to truly enjoy all the pride and joy I felt about L’s performance.  I was beaming.  Then, one of those really good unexpected moments happened.  As I was cleaning up after dinner, A asked L to read to her.  I looked out into the family room and saw their two little heads over the top of the sofa.  I heard him reading a “Fancy Nancy” story to her, with expression–just as he had recited his piece at the competition.  I’m so glad there are surprises in life, and sibling moments like these are among the best kind.  Third place in a state event is superb, but loving his sister gets the blue ribbon in my book.

Still In the Race

“Go BAACCKKK!” my 3-year old pleaded through tears, as we drove home from her brother’s check-up at the pediatrician.  She sobbed and begged to return to the doctor’s office for nearly twenty minutes–all because of a miscommunication over which child would open the door to exit the office.  Tantrums arise fairly often over issues like this, and her solution is almost always to return to the situation to do it over (her way).

There are quite a few points in life I wish I could return to, so I could do things differently.  Unlike my daughter, though, I wish I hadn’t done them my way, but had chosen God’s way.

Words fly out of my mouth, or onto a screen, words that portray my faith, courage, belief, and perseverance.  Yet there are times when I feel like in this great race, I’m doing more falling and getting scraped up than running in freedom.  I used to run in Audubon Park in New Orleans, and others familiar with this location know that the outer trail loop is laden with beautiful, yet treacherous, oak tree roots.  One misstep or failure to correctly see the terrain could result in a quick and painful meeting with the ground.

As always, I’ve been encountering songs and things to read that speak directly to what’s going on in my mind and heart.  In fact, the “random” verse from my daily reading was part of the inspiration for my blog’s name, Running the Race:  “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”  (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Even when I do not get to meet regularly with others on this same course for encouragement and prayer, there are phone calls and e-mails and books that spur me on.

Being spurred on by seeing the faith of others, I am able to see sin for what it is:  anything that keeps me from growing closer to God and experiencing His blessing.  I see a lot of “tree roots” that are there to trip me up and entangle me.  I see the danger.  The book of James says to draw near to God, and He will draw near to us.  Resist the devil, and he will flee.  See the pitfall, recognize my propensity for falling, and stay away!

Run with perseverance.  In high school and college, I was a long-distance runner.  Because of knee issues and parenthood, I’ve been on a long break, but hope to return soon.  But in my life, I see that there is a race of far greater consequence and reward marked out for me.  When I asked Jesus to take over my heart, I knew that I was surrendering to his course for me, rather than my own.  I have no regrets.  That doesn’t mean it is easy.  In fact, the Lord promises troubles in this life.  We have to keep running, though.  I like that the author of Hebrews doesn’t say “crawl”, “trudge”, or even “walk”.  RUN.  Run with confidence, freedom, and strength–all given by the Holy Spirit, of course!

We can run on and on when there is something, or someone, to which we run.  Jesus himself is our prize.  Being with our Lord, Maker, Savior, will be the best reward we could ever experience, and it lasts forever.  Nothing can separate us from the deep love of Christ.  He has bought us with his blood, redeemed us from the pit, set us apart for a new life.  I run because he is waiting for me.  I don’t give up, because he didn’t:  the next verse explains Jesus’ perseverance unto death–”For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame…”.  What could I endure here in this life that would at all compare to what Jesus endured for me?

Yes, I fall, more often than I want to.  Yes, I get weary, but there is refreshment and strength if I seek them in the right places.  Yes, I want the road to be easier sometimes, but I also know that this is the race “marked out for me”.  God will meet my every need, and He will continue molding me into the person He created me to be, through everything I face.  A favorite song of mine during a difficult season of life a few years ago was “Blessed Be Your Name”–singing of praising God whether in times of plenty or times of want, whether in joy or sorrow, whether in rest or struggle.

Even writing this and mulling over these favorite verses of mine again tonight, have brought great encouragement and refreshment.  Keep running, fellow pilgrims.  The end is glorious and worth every single step.

True Colors

After my post earlier this week, a blogging friend made an encouraging comment, that it sounded like I had been passing through all these exciting events lately “with flying colors”.  I was flattered, but realized to accept her praise wouldn’t be entirely honest.  In fact, I’ve been thinking a lot about things like anxiety, nerves, stress, and how often I’ve been facing them.

Let me provide an example:  my little girl asked me, “Mommy, why did you just say ‘OK’?” I realized that I had been whispering “OK” half out loud, repeatedly, and that she had caught me doing so.  I find myself doing this as a strange method of self-coaching when I’m feeling stressed about something.  The day we took L to his speech competition, I did this a lot.  It usually goes along with a nervous smile and the tightest trapezius muscles ever.  While I was inwardly fretting about driving directions, lunches, and getting from A to B on time, my dear boy was searching the competition location’s grounds for good trees to climb.  Now that’s wisdom from children!

This leaves me feeling very hypocritical!  I talk a good talk about taking captive every thought, about bringing all our troubles to the Lord in prayer, about casting aside anxiety and resting in the peace of Christ…but am I living it these days?  My mind has been worked up into a perfect storm of female hormones, human emotion, nervousness, control issues, stress, irritability, poor memory, and fatigue.  What a mess!

I can’t in good faith post what I do for this blog, without giving mention to the true colors of my heart!  I think of many of the psalms, written from “miry pits” and places of despair, loneliness, anger, fear…I’m not saying I’m feeling all of those things, but what I am saying, and taking comfort in, is that to be a Christian doesn’t mean having everything all together all the time or having all the answers.  It also definitely does not mean having a trouble-free life; on the contrary, Jesus actually promises his followers that they/we will face many troubles in this world!

The big question is, where do I go from here?  Upon acknowledging the state of things, what do I do?

Re-focus.  When I get into a mental funk like this, I often find I’ve been “navel-gazing”.  I make everything about me, which is totally backwards.  When I re-focus my vision on God, the other things fade away and the things that have been bothering me either don’t matter as much or I have a renewed perspective with which to handle them.  ”Be Thou My Vision” is one of my favorite hymns, after all.

Rejuvenate.  I got little A ready for a nap earlier than usual this morning and we both slept deeply for two hours!  She has been struggling with some of the same things as me lately in a more three-year old kind of way, and I’m not sure if these are her unique issues or if she is mirroring what she sees in me.  I can tell when my children need extra rest, and know that we both certainly benefitted from that nap today.  Sleep is so restorative for my peace of mind, but I also am blessed by talking with family/friends, reading, writing, and exercising.

Remember.  I take time to remember God’s love and faithfulness.  Whenever we have to correct one of our children, we talk about what went wrong, make amends, but always end with a reminder of our constant love as parents.  Letting God’s perfect and everlasting love wash over my heart refreshes me and fills me with everything I need for a godly life.  This past Sunday at church, I almost wept in the first line of the first song–tears that would have released all that tension I’d been storing up, much to my own surprise!  Praying isn’t just about telling God what we need, but also listening for his voice.  I believe I get to hear what God would say to me, through reading of the Bible, songs of praise, testimonies of others, and in quiet moments when I am truly available in my heart.

I told a friend earlier this evening that I feel like I’ve been in a cycle that needs to break.  Somehow I’ve been ending up right where I don’t want to be–having spoken sharply, gotten agitated over a trivial matter, driven away loved ones trying to help with my desire to be in control, or missed out on daily joys because I’m mentally distracted and worn out.  I know God will pick me up as many times as I fall, but I’m also ready to run, not just stay upright!

“Jesus, here I am again.  I can’t do any of this on my own.  I have no desire to claim control or victory over anything on my own–I want to give you all the glory, because you alone can change hearts and minds.  Thank you for laying down your life for me out of the best love ever known.  May I live my life in gratitude and praise!”

Checking In

Greetings to all!  I still enjoy writing, I still care about this blog, and I am still the same person.  In fact, the one-year anniversary of my blog came and went last week, with only the fanfare of sharing the news with my husband!  There have been many things to write about in the past few weeks, but I have been swamped by life!

Praise God, it’s all good things that have swamped me…here’s a brief recap:

–L’s 8th birthday at the end of last month, which got spread across a few weeks to accommodate friends and family.  We had a family gathering, a lunch at school, and a kids’ party just this past weekend.  L feels very loved and celebrated!

–L’s junior fine arts competition.  Last Monday, he finally recited the passage from Acts 9 he’s been practicing for a few months.  He delivered it so well.  The judges agreed with our family, and awarded him first place!  He gets to recite it again at the state competition in a few weeks!  He spoke for about three minutes, but we stayed in a hotel overnight to attend the event and drove about three hours each way!

–Finding a house to rent from June until (?????).  We received an enormous blessing of timing last week:  my parents were speaking with some neighbors two doors down from them and found out the neighbors would be ending their lease and looking for new renters.  V went up and looked at the house with my mom and the realtor, and next thing we knew, we were signing a three month lease for a four-bedroom house on my parents’ street!  This will give us time to look around for a house to buy and to figure out where L will attend school in the area where V is starting his new job.  Having a summer near my parents, and much closer to V’s family too, will be amazing.

–Trying to keep our house tidy enough to show to prospective buyers.  We have had two showings in two months, but a lot of online lookers.  We hope that once the school year ends, more families will be able to actually come see the house, and that we’ll get someone great to make a wonderful offer!

–Fatigue.  By the end of the day, even when I’m itching to write, my brain is just spent most of the time.  I’ve also been trying to exercise for at least 20 minutes a day, so if I do that at night after the kids go to bed, and then clean up the house, and shower…it’s just about bedtime.  These days are whizzing by.

What would I write about if I had more time?   Let’s see…

–the book of Romans.  Our church has been going through it and it is refreshing my heart so much to hear reminders of the great hope and freedom we have in Christ.  I am encouraged to remember that our troubles here are light and momentary when compared with the glory that awaits us!

–a book I’m reading, “Stepping Heavenward”.  I learn new things from this book every time I read it.  It is by Elizabeth Prentiss and is about a woman’s journey of discovering God’s love in her life and how that affects everything she does as a daughter, friend, sister, wife (to a physician, at that), and mother.  She has a quick temper and often speaks impulsively–so besides the fact that the story takes place a century and a half ago, it’s eerily similar to my life.

–the grace I see in the story of Saul in Acts 9:1-22–the passage that L memorized and recited in the speech event.  I’m also discovering a lot about Ananias, the disciple whom God instructed to go to Saul to restore his sight and bring him into the community of believers.  Ananias’ life reminds me to be faithful in living out what I profess, to be available to God to bless others, and to be a person of prayer (listening as much as uttering).

I greatly enjoy reading all the blogs that come through on a daily basis.  I am doing my best to keep up with them, and hope to be more active here soon!  Blessings to all!

The Day the Cat Got Out

Eight years ago today, our orange tabby cat, Larry, nudged his way out of our screened porch in New Orleans.  He had never gotten out before, but that’s because V and I always remembered to latch the screen door when we knew Larry was out there.  Saturday, April 23, 2005, was humid and warm, and I was eight months and a few weeks pregnant with our first child, L.

My heart sunk when I glanced out to the porch from the living room and saw the screen door not just unlatched, but a few inches ajar.  I searched our small home frantically, but I knew what had happened.  Larry had gotten out.  I told V my fears, and we immediately headed outside to look under our raised house.  Sure enough, there was our kitty.  Square in the middle of the space beneath the white stucco house.  I was too pregnant to crawl under there, but I think I remember V trying to scoot towards Larry.  Of course, because he is a cat, Larry scurried away, further from home, when he saw V approaching him.

We trudged up and down our mercifully quiet and short Uptown street, calling his name.  After over an hour of an exhausting cycle of finding him only to lose him again, I needed to sit my pregnant self down for a snack and water.  I was all shaken up, I had been sobbing, so worried that our kitty of six years would be lost.  I sat and had something to eat and drink, praying, while V continued to search.

He came back shortly, carrying Larry!  He had made his way about four houses down and was lounging in a sunny driveway–just like a cat.  We are still so thankful that V found Larry that morning.  He continues to be a loving, patient part of our family.

I went to bed that night feeling particularly worn out from all the searching and crying of the morning, and a leisurely walk waddle around Audubon Park in the afternoon.  I made one last trip to the bathroom and settled in under the cool sheets close to midnight.  Then my water broke.  L’s due date was May 5, so this obviously came as a total surprise.

Down to Tulane Medical Center we went, in the middle of the night.  Our baby was coming early, but not soon.  To this day, we often have to convince L to leave the house on the weekends, and sometimes even to just go outside.  He loves to stay in and read and has gone so far as to call himself a hermit from time to time.  We joked at dinner tonight that he was being a “womb hermit” after my water broke.  From midnight, it took him/me sixteen hours of waiting until he finally emerged into the world beyond Mommy.

We looked at some baby pictures of L this evening, this night before he turns eight.  When did he stop being doughy?  When did he get so knobby and string-bean-like?  When did he make that leap from cute to handsome?   How did we come to have such an amazing child?  For how many more years will he still call us Mommy and Daddy instead of Mom and Dad, ask to be tucked in, or ask for one more hug?  What a fantastic blur it’s been, watching him grow.  We are blown away by his personality, intellect, and faith.

My sweet boy, who weighs about half as much as me and comes up to my shoulder, sat on my lap after dinner, a rare request!  His pointy legs and bottom dug into my legs, and his hair tickled my nose, but I was blessed beyond measure to think back to those first moments of holding him as a newborn, and how far we’ve come.  L loves to look ahead and say things like, “Mommy, in ten years I’ll be 18 and done with my first year of college!” (He skipped a grade so he will in fact start college at 17, gulp!) I’m glad he’s excited about the future, but like parents everywhere, my heart cries, “slow down, enjoy today, you don’t know how good you have it!”.

Tomorrow we will join him at school for chapel, pick up a lunch from a favorite restaurant and eat with him in the cafeteria, watch him play soccer after school, and take him out for pizza for dinner.  Little A even made him a card today, writing out “Happy Birthday” and “I love you” as I dictated letters to her.  She also drew a picture of herself, L, and Larry the cat.  I can tell both kids really enjoyed hearing the story of “the day the cat got out”.  I’m so glad it ended not just well, but better than we could have hoped!  Happy Birthday, our dear boy!

Psalm 120–A Prayer Amid Hostile People

I just started reading through a section of the Psalms called the “songs of ascent”.  They were written long ago for the annual pilgrimage to Jerusalem in celebration of the Passover.  During a long and tiring journey, these songs were for singing out loud, together, for encouragement and raising of hope.  They also helped call to mind memories of God’s faithfulness and love.

I love the book of Psalms.  For anyone who enjoys poetry, but hasn’t read any psalms, give them a look.  There is so much honesty, desperation, love, and every imaginable emotion.  They were written in times of great joy as well as great grief–for isn’t that how life is?

There is a lot of unrest around me–on a global scale, all the way down to my little human heart.  None of these issues is surmountable by powers we possess, either.  For example, if I can’t manage to go one day without thinking a single impatient, judgmental, angry, unforgiving, or prideful thought, how could I possibly expect for all of humanity to be “good”?  Each of us has a deeper need than our own strength and will power can fill.  I must reach beyond myself to be free of those ideas, thoughts, and actions that I don’t want to do, but seem to emerge from my heart anyway.

This psalm is so fitting as I consider the cries of my heart lately:

“I call on the Lord in my distress,

and he answers me.

Save me, O Lord, from lying lips

and from deceitful tongues.”

That’s only the first two verses, too!  Because I believe in the existence of God, as He describes Himself in the Bible, I also believe that there is an Enemy who seeks to draw us away from God, using lies and deceit.  How that enemy gets to each of us, depends on our individual weaknesses.  From the moments in the garden of Eden with Eve, the crafty enemy has been trying to grab souls away from God ever since.

Sadly, sometimes we each fail to recognize lies for what they are!  Our enemy is sneaky and clever, and just as the forbidden fruit “looked good” to Eve, so do many temptations look good to us.  It can start small, and with each little justification, the lie snowballs until it’s way out of our control.

In this psalm, though, the writer was not to blame.  He simply found himself living among “those who hate peace” (verse 6).  He was surrounded by dishonesty and trouble.  That is an exhausting place to be, to feel as if one is the only person committed to truth and peace.  I think our world feels that way sometimes for some of us–which is another reminder to encourage each other to stand firm and act in love!

Where does the psalmist find his hope?  He calls out to the Lord, who answers Him.  I get tremendous comfort from knowing that I too can call out to God who will answer me.  He never grows tired or weary, He cares about our needs, and He loves us more than we can imagine.  He knows our problems are bigger than we are, and He knows our biggest problem of all is the state of our hearts on our own.  That’s why He sent His beloved son to suffer, die, and rise again for each of us.  That opened up the door to the best relationship possible with God, to hope forever.  That is surely good news.

The psalmist trusts in God’s justice.  He does not try to fight back, antagonize, complain against, gossip about, or harm his enemies.  He calls out to God, and he leaves it in God’s hands.  His hope is in the future.  Perhaps his situation will not change for a while, but he is trusting God to handle it.  He knows that he will have peace in his heart in spite of his circumstances, because of the source of his help.

Am I recognizing truth and lies for what they are?

To what or whom do I turn for help?

When I feel alone in my convictions, where do I find encouragement?

Am I acting in a loving, forgiving way to those who may disagree with me?  

Do I trust God to handle my troubles?

New Shoes, New Year

As many of you know by now, I chose the name of my blog because of its Biblical significance (Hebrews 12) and because of my lifelong love for running.  I always feel a little bit strange writing about running because I run so infrequently these days.  After spending my teen and early adult years running just about every day, and even working my way up to a marathon 15 years ago, my knees and status as a stay-at-home mom have brought my running to almost a complete halt.

I’ve learned to be content with waiting to run again.  I know this is a very important and fleeting season of life, when my husband and children just need me to be here.  Sure, there are still occasional evening jogs or walks, but I’m not considering any true, intentional training until I have a bit more free time.  However, this isn’t to say I’m completely ignoring my physical fitness.

I get a lot out of at-home workouts in the evenings, after the kids are in bed.  There are a lot of choices available for no charge through our cable company.  I think that’s pretty great.  I’ve found that as long as I’m doing something active, consistently, that I look and feel the way I want to.  My fitness goals are a bit vague, but I want to build muscle without getting bulky, to be lean, to keep up with my kids, and keep the metabolism going strong.  If there’s anyone else out there with similar fitness goals, I’d love to chat and encourage each other, by the way!

I took a big step towards motivating myself to being active in some way every day, this past weekend:  I bought new running shoes.  This was part of my dear husband’s birthday gift to me.  I turned 36 this weekend, and I know he heard me make a comment the other day while looking at old pictures that I had worn the same running shoes since our 3-year old was a baby.  Oops.  Sunday after lunch, V and my parents took the kids to get frozen yogurt while I went by myself (all the parents know how significant solo outings can be!) into a running store.  A very kind and bubbly sales associate, a fellow mommy, helped me assess my gait and pick out a suitable shoe.  Wow, did those shoes feel good.  She told me I had a great neutral gait, and that my form looked good for having not been running much at all.  Even those 20 seconds on the treadmill were invigorating–the heart of a runner never stops beating!

I haven’t taken the shoes out on the streets yet, but I hope to soon.  I did wear them to exercise at home last night, and so far they are just right.  I am glad I worked out last night, on my birthday, because it felt like the right way to start off a new year of life.  I am so very thankful for a strong, healthy body, and I want to honor God by taking care of it.  Plus, my mind feels clearer and calmer, but also more creative and energetic, whenever I exercise vigorously.  I see no reason yet why 36 can’t be stronger and more fit than 35!

How about you?  What are your favorite ways to keep your physical body healthy, strong, and active?