L. stayed home from school yesterday, though not with strep! That alone might warrant its own blog post later. My mom played with A. nearly all day so I could care for L. and take him to see the pediatrician. My dear mom even got little A. to take a nap under her watch, so I was left to have lunch with L. We said our customary blessing, then ate and chatted. After a few moments of silence, and as I looked up from checking my e-mail on my phone, I noticed that L. was resting his head on his arms, on the table. I figured he wasn’t feeling well, so I asked him if he was all right. “Yes. I’m praying,” he told me. “Oh. Anything in particular?” I asked him. “Well, I was asking for forgiveness,” he answered. I couldn’t think of anything that had happened that day that would warrant confession, so I pursued with another question, “Anything you need to talk about?”
What he said next, truly surprised me: “No, I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t forgotten to confess anything.” L. is leaps and bounds ahead of me when it comes to memorizing Bible verses. I was pleased, then, when I immediately thought of a verse that fit what he was saying: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” I didn’t remember where it was from, but I remembered enough of the key words that I could look it up using the Bible index. Those words make up the last two verses of Psalm 139, which tells much about how God knows every inch of us, even before we were born! This never ceases to amaze me.
When I shared the verses with L. over lunch, he smiled. I love when we can make these connections between things we read, even if we saw them a long time ago, and bring them to life in a conversation like the one we had today. I take great comfort that my dear son wants his heart to be open and available to God. I am glad to have him, even now, here to spur me on to be closer to God. His simple prayer reminded me that ideas, images, and memories hide in the secret places of our hearts, so that sometimes we don’t even realize they are there–we truly do need God to search our hearts and show us where we need to “clean house”.
I kept pondering our conversation long after he went to sleep for the night, and I think asking myself (and anyone else who would like to try) some questions might help these things take root in my heart:
Have I taken time today to slow down and simply ask God to search my heart?
Are there thoughts, ideas, or images in my mind or heart that are keeping me from being close to God and available for blessings and good work?
Do I find it a comfort or an offense that God knows me *that well*?
I for one, find it a great comfort that God knows me inside and out, and knows every thought that has passed through my mind…and loves me anyway.